Tag Archives: angry

Just Be Grateful

“Just be grateful you are alive”

“Just be thankful you didn’t die”

“You should just focus on the fact you survived”

Brain injury survivors hear these types of well-meaning lines all the time.  They are used by family members and friends to help survivors see the “brighter side” during their recovery periods.  There is undeniable truth in each one of these statements; traumatic brain injuries, strokes and other forms of acquired brain injuries lead to death for millions of people worldwide every year.  It is worthwhile to be thankful for life.  But these well-intentioned statements can all too often serve as double-edged swords.

Taking a step back for a moment, most survivors are truly thankful to be alive following their near-death experiences.  But that does not mean that they have not suffered real, painful losses.  While one may feel the commendable impulse to encourage and support survivors, it is also important to allow them to mourn these losses.  There is nothing inherently wrong with lamenting loss of arm function or fluid speech, as long as this does not lead to a serious decline in mood or performance.  For instance, wouldn’t any person be upset if, after decades of normal walking, he or she would have to suddenly learn how to walk all over again because of a stroke?  A balance has to be struck between fostering positive mood and allowing for reasonable mourning of loss.  “Just be grateful you are alive” is clearly not an inherently harmful statement, but it can still nonetheless be overused and thus inhibit healthy adjustment to change.  Excessive  repetition of such a statement can often cause survivors to be frustrated and feel as if they are being discouraged from expressing their feelings.  Though it may be difficult for family members or friends to witness as survivors experience sadness or anger, this is often one of the steps necessary while making a successful transition into post-injury life.

 

Learn about brain injury treatment services at the Transitional Learning Center: http://tlcrehab.org/

 

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Give Yourself Permission

Brain injury survivors and their loved ones often try to approach life after an injury as if it is a fight.  Battle hard, stay strong and never let your enemy see your weaknesses.  But in truth, though there are some similarities in this analogy that are appropriate, life after an injury is not an actual fight.  In fact, by treating it as a real fight survivors and their loved ones can sometimes hurt themselves by not allowing themselves to feel and process certain emotions in a healthy manner.  By not processing emotions, individuals may allow these emotions to fester inside and come out at the wrong time or in the wrong situation.  Not processing emotions can lead to difficulties such as depression, anxiety and relationship stress.  I would like to encourage you to give yourself permission to feel these emotions.

Give yourself permission to get angry at the injury.  It truly is a frustrating and unpleasant experience.

Give yourself permission to cry.  There is no weakness in crying.  This is an appropriate reaction to a painful situation.

Give yourself permission to mourn.  There may be parts of you from the past that will no longer be part of your post-injury future.  It is okay to mourn their passing.

Give yourself permission to laugh.  Laugh at the moments of oddity.  Laughter, in measured amounts, is a reasonable coping technique during times of distress.

Most of all, give yourself permission to experience and value the full range of your emotions.  After all, our emotions are important aspects of who we are as people.  They are a central part of simply being human.  So please give yourself permission to be the complete person that you are, despite your injury.

Learn about brain injury treatment services at the Transitional Learning Center: http://tlcrehab.org/