Open Communication

The brain injury experience is a remarkably complex one.  Overnight, so many things change and so many adjustments need to be made.  Throughout this experience, brain injury survivors have goals, concerns and aspirations.  Survivors’ loved ones will have their own goals, concerns and aspirations as well as they come to terms with their own roles in this new and dauntingly complex experience.  These two sets of expectations may or may not fully match up with one another.  Survivors and their loved ones will all try their best to achieve desired outcomes.  Sometimes  differences in respective desired outcomes can lead to conflict.  One of the most common contributing factors to such conflict is poor communication.

Family members, injury or no injury, tend to make assumptions about one another.  In fact, we all engage in some form of attempted “mind reading” in which we guess at what another person is thinking.  For instance, if one person pauses to look at a second person prior to walking through a doorway that second person may “mind read” and think, “The other person is looking at me because he wants me to enter the doorway first.”  There are no actual words spoken in this momentary exchange, only valid assumptions made.  This method will generally work well enough in simple situations, but problems  arise when we engage in such “mind reading” in place of actual open communication regarding more substantial and  important issues.  A simple look or smile does not say “I am hoping that a month or two after discharging from therapy I can return back to working and driving” or “I am worried that my son will want to return to mountain climbing where he could fall and suffer further brain injury”.

A good place to start open communication is with a family meeting explicitly organized to talk through the goals, concerns and aspirations of all involved.  The meeting should be planned in advance and all parties informed of its purpose.  This gives each family member time to organize his or her thoughts about pertinent issues.  Many survivors benefit from writing down a list of topics they’d wish to discuss at this meeting in order to ensure that they don’t forget to raise a given subject.  A meeting of this sort need not necessarily determine the final word on any topic.  In fact, it can be a good idea to state from the start of such a meeting that participants are in no way required to (and may not even be expected to) agree with what others are saying.  Particularly at the first meeting of this sort, it is not important to make decisions regarding the future.  Instead it is more important to open the lines of communication so each person can know what all others are thinking and “mind reading” can be avoided.  Opening the lines of communication in such a formal manner may seem awkward to some, but it helps ensure that the goals, concerns and aspirations of each family member will actually be discussed and addressed rather than being lost in any number of side conversations.  Once these lines of communication are opened and everyone has a chance to freely discuss thoughts and sufficiently convey perspectives, it is much easier in the future to re-visit these topics in a constructive manner.  Open communication will ultimately allow family members to walk hand-in-hand into the future with less conflict.

 

Learn about brain injury treatment services at the Transitional Learning Center!  Visit us at: http://tlcrehab.org/

 

How Can I Support A Caregiver?

As modern medicine improves and our population ages, more individuals are able to live longer with serious health issues including permanent deficits resulting from a brain injury.  This notable demographic shift places more loved ones in the position of serving as long-term caregivers.  These caregivers need all available support from those around them but many of those capable of offering assistance are simply unaware of how best to help.  Here are a few quick suggestions on how to support caregivers:

1.     Call them and ask how you can help.  Caregivers may feel shy or embarrassed to initiate requests for help but are often far more receptive to assistance if it is offered.   This gives caregivers opportunity to request specific aspects of help most needed at a given juncture, and they will certainly be grateful for all help shared.

2.    Offer to have the caregiver and survivor over for a meal or to deliver a meal to them.  With all of the responsibilities that caregivers meet on a daily basis, having someone else take care of even a single meal can be a source of welcome relief.

3.    Be there to listen.  Many caregivers feel overwhelmed by their experiences.  A friendly phone call or visit with a supportive ear helps relieve some of this emotional burden.  Knowing that others care about their well-being is very important for caregivers in maintaining their own emotional health.

4.    Be a friend to the survivor.  After their injuries, many survivors find that their social circles quickly shrink.  Some caregivers can find themselves serving as the only social outlet for the survivors in their lives.  This can be a source of tremendous additional stress in the life of a caregiver.  Being a part of the survivor’s social circle reduces the need for the caregiver to fill all of these social roles.  Moreover, the survivor is sure to appreciate this as well!

5.    Offer to spend time with the survivor so the caregiver can spend a little time tending to his or her own needs.  As a result of devotion to meeting needs of a survivor, it’s all to easy for caregivers to end up neglecting their own.  A few brief hours just to cover an unhurried trip to the grocery store, hair salon or doctor’s office (or simply to enjoy a quiet cup of coffee on their own) can do wonders for a caregiver’s quality of life.

6.    Take a moment out of your day to send a card, e-mail or flowers.  Sometimes we don’t have a lot of time to spare for lengthy calls or visits but a quick note to say “hello” tells the caregiver that they are not forgotten.

Hopefully this list will give you ideas to start reaching out and supporting caregivers!

Learn about brain injury treatment services at the Transitional Learning Center!  Visit us at: http://tlcrehab.org/

Life, Brain Injury and Repairing with Gold

There is a fascinating art form originating from Japan called “kintsugi” (a name formed from the Japanese root words meaning “golden” and “joining”).  In this form of art, broken pottery is repaired by using lacquer mixed with gold, silver or platinum.  Rather than being hidden, these cracks are instead highlighted, enhanced and made to reveal an entirely separate and distinct beauty.  Kintsugi is connected to the philosophy of “wabi-sabi” which means “finding beauty in broken or old things”.  This is not really a philosophy of items but a deeper spiritual concept informing a healthy approach to the world around us.

This idea of making the cracks more beautiful rather than trying to hide the break is an amazing metaphor for post-injury growth.  Survivors should not feel the need to hide or be embarrassed by their injuries.  Survivors never asked to have brain injuries, the events simply happened.  But there is a great deal of opportunity to use an injury and the rehabilitation process to take beautiful steps forward in life.  Some TLC patients have taken their experiences and used them to educate others about brain injuries.  Rather than shying away, they put themselves out front and center so as to benefit others in a powerful way that typical rehabilitation professionals do not have access to.  These survivors can speak from the authority conferred by actually having lived through the injury experience, lending their words an innate credibility that similar statements from health care and rehabilitation professionals can sometimes lack.  Other TLC patients have used their injuries as impetus to reach out to family and rekindle strained relationships.  Relatives who had not spoken for years were able to be reunited through response to these injuries.  Still other TLC patients have used their injuries to take their lives in healthier directions, such as returning to school, getting better jobs or cultivating sobriety.  Each of these steps forward is a way of taking the breaks in life created by brain injuries and repairing them with a “golden joining”, so that the survivors engage the world in an undeniably changed but potentially more beautiful and impactful way than before those changes wrought by their injuries.

Learn about brain injury treatment services at the Transitional Learning Center!  Visit us at: http://tlcrehab.org/

 

Utilizing Music For Mood

Music has the amazing power to touch our hearts and souls.  The right song at the right time can move us in powerful ways, eliciting emotions ranging from brightest joy to deepest sorrow.  Harnessing the power of music can also help brain injury survivors (along with the rest of us) make it through their days more successfully.

It is a common sight at a gym to see the majority of participants working out with music in the background to help keep them motivated and driven.  This music tends to be upbeat and intense.  This workout music highlights the ability of music to boost our performance.  Survivors may want to consider using similar energetic background music while they are working out, whether in a gym or in therapy, to help them when they might be feeling low in energy.  However, it is important to ensure that the music does not distract the survivor.  An example of this pitfall to be avoided can be observed in a survivor suffering from substantial deficits in the arena of attention.  A catchy song could cause this survivor to sing along and devote a disastrous lack of attention to foot placement while practicing walking.  Finding the balance (whenever possible) between drive and distraction is important.  Energetic music may also help mitigate general fatigue that can occur at any part of the day.

Music has the ability to lift us when we feel down.  Following a brain injury, many survivors will display acute symptoms of depression or at the very least be significantly (if understandably) sad about their situations.  Survivors should identify songs that lift their moods and listen to that music when they find themselves feeling low.  These songs often tend to incorporate themes of hope and joy.  Religious music is also a very popular and effective source of this helpful form of mood modulation.

Many survivors also face serious difficulties with stress and anger.  Certain music can help individuals to relax and stay calm.  Soft, classical music tends to be popular to ease stress and anger though other types of music can do this as well.  Some individuals prefer listening to sounds of nature (such as waves lapping upon a beach) to reach a more calm state.  Meditation music is a hot market and there is a huge amount of excellent music available both in stores and online.

Not every song will help with every mood and sometimes the music that is most helpful may not be the survivor’s favorite song or from a favorite band.  What is most important is that the music in question leads to the emotional experience that the survivor would like to cultivate.  Technology has advanced exponentially over the last few years, and survivors should take full advantage.  A survivor can keep a playlist of songs to help influence his or her emotions on a smartphone, Ipod or other similar device that can then be accessed throughout the day.  Remember that music can be an important part of any recovery process!

Learn about brain injury treatment services at the Transitional Learning Center!  Visit us at: http://tlcrehab.org/